The last time we were together, you told me some things that disturbed me. I found myself at a loss for what to say to you, but I know that what I said next in that moment was critical. I did the best I could at the time, but afterward I felt I really hadn't said enough. That is what gave me the motivation to write these letters to you.
We've already spent a lot of time together and have quite a few fun memories piled up. I want to put those first few outings we had together down on paper before too much time passes and I forget anything. After I've caught you up on all that, I'll talk about this last date we had and what you said to prompt this journal. Okay? But even before I do that, I want to tell you a little about myself. By the time you read this, you may already know more about my childhood, but you may not. Just in case....here goes:
When we met in 2010, I was 27. I had been married to my husband for 7 years. We had no children- well, no human children! Our dog, Baker, is our four legged child- as you well know. :) I had an emotionally difficult childhood; especially during my teen years. Being a teenager, as you know, is hard. Life is tough and confusing and stressful as it is, but particularly for teenagers. I remember those years of my life very vividly, and perhaps that is what gives me such a heart for other young women going through the same things.
Anyway, I've been through a lot and as a result of my experiences, I have some very strong convictions about the way girls and women ought to be treated. Few things get me worked up more quickly than to see or hear of a woman being treated "less than" a man. My family, friends and co-workers can all attest to that! Examples of what I hate include women being discriminated against and treated poorly in the workplace:
- Not being taken seriously professionally
- Being paid less than men in similar roles
- Working as secretaries for men in management (servant roles)
- Not being allowed into the Boy's Club, which can be crucial for success
- Only hired for the most lowly roles in the company
- Being passed over for promotion opportunities and management roles
- Being subjected to sexual harassment
I also hate sexual discrimination in our society, particularly via religion. I once heard a quote on NPR from a feminist who was talking about different religions and their affect on women over the centuries. I'll never forget what she said. "No religion has EVER been good for women."
This has certainly been my personal experience. My stepfather abused me, but because he and my mother were (and still are) in a religious cult, they held and subsequently forced me to live by their very twisted and unhealthy belief system. I felt powerless in my abuse. I have nightmares almost every night still and one recurring theme is where I'm trying to stand up to my stepfather and tell him I'm not going to take it any more. The ugly truth is that in those dreams, I'm a married adult yet I am still trying to escape from something I walked away from years ago.
Anyway, according to my parents' belief system, because my stepfather was a man he was inherently closer to God than the rest of our family. Just for having a penis, he was "worthy" of my obedience and demanded respect. Because I was a young, vulnerable female, their view was that I needed to be under his "protection". Under his sadistic thumb is more like it. Nonetheless, I was not valued and protected as I should have been. Instead I was abused and taken advantage of by an evil man in an evil religious belief system. It took me a long time to realize that my mother was just as much to blame for standing by and allowing this to happen. Isn't it sad that our mothers and other women in our lives can sabotage and hurt young girls instead of protecting them? Life is hard enough as it is...we should be working together to make things better.
Okay, enough about that. I only mention it to tell you why I joined Big Brothers Big Sisters in the first place. One day I finally asked myself, "If I care so much about the rights of women and girls, why aren't I doing anything about it?" It was a fair question. I needed to put my money where my mouth was. This is what led me to BBBS, and it was the best decision I could have made.
One more side note about myself. I am pretty successful considering my background and childhood. I wasn't given a hand up or any support, and yet I have accomplished a lot in my young life. I want to inspire you by showing you that even if you start in the back of the line, you CAN overcome and still make your dreams come true. You just need confidence. You need to believe in yourself and recognize that you have everything you need already inside your heart. A little encouragement wouldn't hurt, either, and that is what I hope to provide for you. I am your cheerleader.
Love,
Caroline
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